A Porsche? On a list of the best cars that are cheap? Something must be wrong... You would think that, but you'd be incorrect because early examples of the Porsche Cayman (the 987 for all you chassis sleuths) is yours for less than £10,000. And this is no dud Porsche, actually – it's one of the best. Legend has it that the Cayman handled so well, Porsche had to artificially restrain it to stop it showing up the larger and more expensive Porsche 911 on track.  

Have a drive and you won't argue. Its steering is sublime, its brakes are bursting with power and it's mid-engine layout means you can choose between understeer and oversteer on a whim. Even the basic 245PS 2.7-litre flat-six sounds epic, is good for 160mph and 0-62mph in six seconds, and it's more reliable than the fragile pre-2010 3.4-litre fitted to the Cayman S. 

You know what? It's even practical. Okay, so it only has two seats, but it also has a boot at either end (that mid-engine layout paying dividends agains) and you get a surprising amount of interior storage. Maintenance is expensive, but a talented Porsche this cheap will be almost immune to depreciation. 

Imagine a partner that looks great, has amazing chat, dresses well, is intelligent, but cooks, cleans and is also riotously good fun at the weekend. Congrats, you've imagined the human equivalent of the Volkswagen Golf GTI. 

Okay, so in the spirit of this list of cars that are fast and cheap, we have gone for the older model, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. For a kick off, the old car's infotainment won't have you nutting the windscreen in frustration, like the glitchy new model's and you also get, praise be – a proper volume knob. Cabin quality is also slightly better and you get exactly the same amount of space, so room for four and a boot that's so well designed, da Vinci could have done it. 

The fun bit comes in the form of a 2.0-litre engine producing at least 220PS, mated to a chassis that's taught yet compliant. A budget of £11,000 is all you need to get on the GTI ladder, but spend a bit more and you could have a car equipped with the Performance Pack, which adds bigger brakes, a little more power and a grip-finding limited-slip differential. Yummy. 

• Best hot hatches

The Mazda MX-5 joins this list of cars that are fast and cheap carrying a slight caveat – it's, erm, not that fast. Well, not if you count 'fast' as a number – most diesel family cars will destroy an MX-5 on paper – but if 'fast' is a feeling, trust us, it feels quick enough.

You see, each and every MX-5 comes with the archetypal sports car engine – a four-cylinder, twin-cam that'll scream through its rev counter in a way that makes it sound like you're going twice as quick as you really are. And dropping the pleasingly simply roof only amplifies the effect.  Sharp steering and a gearbox action that we're pretty sure was an angel's labour of love confirms the MX-5 as a feel-good car, so much so that we'd recommend the raspy 131PS 1.5-litre over the more workman like 160PS 2.0-litre.

The beauty of the MX-5 is there's so little to hate. About £10,000 buys you a clean example with modern amenities like sat-nav and, while it's not the most practical of vehicles, it won't cost much to run and should prove very reliable. 

You're stumbling into your middle ages, the kids are growing up, the other half is saying "we need a car that is sensible" and you're thinking: maybe he/she is right. Stop. We will not accept such weakness. Especially not when cars like the BMW 3 Series Touring are readily available for the same price as a brand new Volkswagen Up.

Yes, saviour comes in the form of an estate version of BMW's evergreen 3 Series – trust us, a Challenger II tank has more chinks in its armour. The sensibly-inclined other half will love the 3 Series' spacious back seat, roomy boot, its smart dashboard design and its intuitive infotainment, they need not know you went for a pokey six-cylinder model.

Whether you get the 330d or 335d diesels, or the fruiter-sounding 335i petrol, the BMW has a wealth of power and a chassis that handles better than any family wagon has any right to. The smooth shifting eight-speed auto is a wonder of German engineering and the optional adjustable dampers mean at the flick of a switch you can choose from firm and sporty or cosseting and comfortable. Spend £12,000 and you'll get a good example, £15,000 picks you a peach. 

Some words aren't meant to go together – 'corduroy' and 'sexy', 'fast' and 'tortoise', 'sensible' and supercar' – they provide such a contrast it's hard for our minds to compute but thanks to the Audi R8, at least two of those words belong together.

You see, the Audi R8 is the original 'sensible supercar' and while a car that starts from a little under £30,000 isn't cheap per sae – we'd counter by saying: if you want a fast car, you buy and supercar and if you want a cheap supercar, you buy an Audi R8... Well, it works in our heads.

And it should work in yours, too, because even the 'basic' R8 V8 will hit 187mph and crack 0-62mph in under five seconds. A quick Audi is nothing new mind, but the R8's raison d'être is that it's also lots of fun thanks to its mid-engine layout and four-wheel-drive system that most of the time feels like a rear-wheel-drive tail wagger. The 'sensible' bit is harder to sell, but the R8 does have a decent sized-boot, Audi build quality and the backing of the firm's mighty dealer network. Not bad for a supercar.

Owning a fast car is lots of fun, but could you harbour even bigger smiles by having a very fast car that looks slow? It's on this premise that we bring you the last-gen BMW M5. We'll admit that car people will know their M5 from their BMW 5 Series – you get a sleek body kit, big wheels and four promisingly large exhaust pipes – but your non-car-loving civilians, well, they won't bat an eyelid.

So, as that Audi A4 diesel creeps past you in the fast lane, wouldn't it be fun to mash the pedal, call on the M5's twin-turbocharged 4.4-litre V8's 560PS and convert that four-ringed annoyance into a mere dot in your driver's mirror? We think so. The M5 delivers this ability with few compromises. Almost everything in it is adjustable – from its steering and throttle, to its gear shifts and suspension – so you can transform it from a hard-riding performance car to a cosseting family saloon, with a few easy adjustments on the drive select. 

And, while it is the fastest car here – top speed is 190mph with the limiter removed (an option) – it's also the most practical. You get acres of room in the front and the back of the plush cabin, along with a large boot. Less than the price of a new Volkswagen Golf – or about £20,000 – buys you a serviceable example, while £30,000 bags you a very good 'un. 

The launch of a new Ford Focus ST can mean only one thing – prices for the old one are dropping like a stone. Which is convenient if you're writing a top ten on cheap fast cars. 

So what do you get? Well, this is a hot hatch, so the normal rules apply – it's as practical as a normal Ford Focus (four adults will fit and the boot is square and roomy), but without the weedy engine. Instead, you get a 2.0-litre four-cylinder pumping out an easy 250PS (much more with an inexpensive tune), which gets you from 0-62mph in a shade over six seconds before it heads butts its top speed of 153mph.

This being a Focus, you get pointy steering and a chassis that'll rotate into corners, although with no clever front differential, it does tend to haul you from side to side under power – like a reined toddler on a sugar hit. But, when prices start from just £7000 and Fords are as cheap as chips to maintain, there really isn't much else to complain about. 

It's a testament to Mercedes S-Class that despite this version being two generations out of date, it'll still give most new cars a run for their money when it comes to comfort, luxury and power. 

Yes, that's right, you can get your hands on an S500 with a stonking 387PS, 5.5-litre V8 for a little less than £6000 – news that'll leave the original owner (who paid at least ten times that) weeping into their cornflakes. It's enough to get the grand old Merc from 0-62mph in less than 5.5 seconds and it'll have no trouble hitting its 155mph limited top speed.

Sure, this is a star of straights not a carver of corners, but as you sip the champagne that's chilling in the onboard fridge, you'll care not a jot. You see, with its imperious rear legroom and electrically adjustable back seats, the S-Class is a car that can be enjoyed from the back just as much as the front. Just be prepared for large servicing bills...

Big SUVs aren't supposed to be fast and they're definitely not supposed to handle well, but the Porsche Cayenne didn't get the memo – it does both surprisingly well. Back when the Cayenne first hit our streets, enthusiasts were up in arms – how could the Stuttgart-based firm produce such a monstrosity? They've got less to say now because the Cayenne (and the smaller Porsche Macan) sell in such numbers, they bankroll the firm's more desirable product lines. 

This popularity will come as no surprise once you have sampled it for yourself. Sure, the Cayenne's no oil painting, but its ability to manhandle Tarmac to do its bidding has to be felt to be believed, it just grips and grips, doesn't lean like a traditional SUV and has brakes that provide eye watering stopping power. For real performance, you'll need to avoid the six-cylinder models, but the V8s have plenty and the Turbo, well, it's a whole other world of nutty.

All the Cayenne has loads of room and most car will have been specified to the hilt at great cost to the original owner. A sum of £5000 is enough to get you a serviceable example but, caveat emptor, that cheap price does not mean cheap running costs. 

It's 1995 the Rednex Cotton Eye Joe is in the charts, camouflage trouser are in your cupboards and (thanks to Colin McRae winning the World Rally Championship) a turbocharged Subaru Impreza is very much the car you want parked on your drive. 

What a difference 25 years makes. In that time, a certain Volkswagen Golf R's  arrival has made the Impreza look like something of a blunt instrument, with heavy controls and appalling fuel economy. But fast and cheap? Check, check. We're not suggesting you go for an original model – most are now knackered and the good ones expensive – but a Gen 3 model of 2007-2014 vintage should prove just the ticket, yours for a little over £5,000. 

What does that buy you? Well, rally heritage of course, proper permanent four-wheel and 252PS, enough to get you from 0-62mph in 5.5 seconds. As a point-to-point car, it still takes some beating. Okay, so it gets no where near VW interior build quality, but the hard plastics should be durable and the cabin has room for four and a boot you can stick the dog in. One day it might even be back in fashion.